Does it have to be a struggle?
I read it with feeling, I walk and listen, I write, I read, I visualize, I concentrate, I relax, I go on the mental diet, and then I struggle. What is that about? How can I feel so disjointed? What is missing? Is this that hard for me? Is it all just a test?
So I know Haanel says that it does not work to change things about, but doesn’t life start to move and change as you go along? My journey over the last twelve weeks has been moving fast. I have made huge leaps of faith. I can see my vision in my head so clearly. I have a knowing that it is already mine and on its way to me. But this in between time when things seem to not make sense other than being a lot of work and a huge distraction in getting the work done that there is to do.
This week I am tired. Tired of the same frustrating things happening. Tired of not doing what I need to do and continuing with the bad habits that have crept in to mask the disappointment that I have in myself. It is a little bit
like what I imagine a alcoholic goes through when they can see they keep doing what they to stop, but not being able to seemingly do anything about it and soon they just don’t remember that they are doing something they are not supposed to be doing. I don’t know really what it is to be an alcoholic gratefully, but the addictions and the habits come in many different forms.
So even as I write this I can feel the disatisfaction in that I am even writing this, or that I even feel this way. I know, I know, think God or my happy place. Okay, then what?
So I bring in the Law of Forgiveness, I forgive myself, then the Law of Duality, replace that frustration with joy, the the Law of Practice, do it over, and over and over. As Og says in the 3rd Scroll, try and try and try again, as you will never know until you turn the corner, so just keep going. So I am going to keep going. I am going to keep working it out. My subconscious and my ego at battle, but my subconscious is going to be victorious.
I suppose if this was easy, we would all be rich, skinny and happy, as someone, somewhere said.
So going to keep it real, I battle, I struggle, but this time, unlike other times, I just keep going.